How “Slut Shaming” Has Been Written Into School Dress Codes Across the Country

School dress codes have always been an issue, but it’s really sad when they’re teaching young girls what is “inappropriate” to wear and inferring that they’re slutty if they dress a certain way. Sure, there should still be dress codes so no one actually shows up half naked. But there’s a fine line between empowering girls and calling them sluts.

No girl should feel that her teacher, principal, or peers are looking down on her character for dressing a certain way. No girl should feel like they’re being called a slut, and made to feel bad about it. 

It’s a bit extreme and unreasonable to ban strapless dresses at dances because they’re “too distracting.” That’s teaching girls the wrong message – that showing skin is shameful. Even worse, it’s teaching them that female sexuality is shameful.

Obviously, 10 year old girls in the US shouldn’t necessarily be sexually active. But teaching them at that age that when they do start exploring sex, they should be ashamed of it – that’s wrong.

Female sexuality is not something to be ashamed of, and no girl should ever be “slut-shamed” for the way she dresses.

 

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Un-Memorizing the “Silence is Sexy” Date Script

Consent doesn’t mean not saying no, it means saying yes.

Queer Guess Code

movie-date

A woman once told me pointedly something that has stayed with me to this day.  We were kissing.  Lying on the cold wood floor, my hand traveled across her stomach and she whispered, “I think we should take it slow.”  I agreed immediately.  Before moving in to kiss her again, I said, “Just tell me when to stop.”

This, I thought, was considerate.  Respectful.  Sexy.  But she quickly corrected my mistake.  Pulling away from me, her face took on a serious expression and the words she spoke illuminated a misunderstanding I had long nurtured, even as I knew myself to be a thoughtful feminist with much respect for other women.

In essence, what she said was, “Women are not given enough opportunities to say ‘yes.'”

Oh, I thought.  Huh.  What a wonderfully radical idea.  But I mean, isn’t it strange that this idea is so radical?  Women saying yes.  It’s…

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Avoid growing Monsanto food

How to grow Monsanto-free crops

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Little girl won’t get married before she has a job

I think more girls should be raised this way.

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Who cares if girls are “pretty”?

Somehow, in the evolution of humanity and gender, being a female started to mean that you have to be pretty in order for you to get anywhere in life, for people to like you.

I think that’s bullshit.

This video is of Katie Makkai performing her poem “Pretty” and it speaks volume.

Why do people think that being a woman in so intrinsically connected to looking good? That’s the number one compliment for most women (at least most people think it is), is to tell her she looks nice. Or that she’s beautiful, pretty, hot. It’s also (one of) the first insults women say to/about other women, that she’s ugly or her hair is weird or she has acne. Have you ever said “well at least she’s fat” about someone you don’t like?

Because somehow, our worth as women is directly dependent on how we look. If we’re not pretty, we don’t matter. We don’t fit in to society.

It starts young, too. People dress up their baby girls in dresses and do their hair all nice, and as soon as Grandma sees her it’s all “oh look at how pretty you are! what a pretty girl!”

That’s the first thing that should be changed. Next time you see a little girl, don’t tell her she’s pretty. Instead, ask her what she’s learning in school, or what she wants to be when she grows up, or if she does any sports. Compliment her on how funny or smart she is.

We need to re-shape the way girls and women think about themselves. If all we hear growing up is “you’re so pretty,” that becomes the most important thing to us. That’s what we worry about constantly. We don’t feel like we can leave the house without putting on make-up. We get super self-conscious if a zit pops up or if our hair is being weird that day. In high school, I convinced my mom to let me stay home one day because my allergies were acting up and my eye was a bit swollen.

Every girl wants to feel pretty. And there’s nothing wrong with that, unless that’s what she wants most. As soon as appearance becomes more important than school, work, or hobbies, that’s where we’ve gone wrong.

We need to teach our girls not to be constantly worrying about how they look. Instead, encourage them to read a book or play a sport. Don’t buy them barbies with unrealistic beauty standards, buy them other dolls, toys, puzzles, books, or crafts that exercise the important things.

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Why is it OK to Show Women Being Tortured on Screen, but not Pleasured?

I was already madly in love with Ryan Gosling, but this just confirms it.

He says:

“There’s something very distorted about this reality that they’ve created which is that it’s okay to torture women on screen…sure they probably deserved it. Any kind of violence toward women in a sexual scenario is fine. But give a woman pleasure, no way. Not a chance. That’s ‘pornography.'”

This relates back to the whole rape culture thing I talked about a few days ago. It seems that any violence toward women that we see in the media is sexual violence, because what else would it be? Obviously we can’t be violent toward women and men in the same way, that wouldn’t be right. Puh-lease. (Not that there should really be ANY violence in the media, regardless of gender. Or at least not as much as currently exists.)

Why is it that when there is violence toward women, most of it is sexual violence? Which, in my opinion, is the most traumatic kind of violence. How come, when someone doesn’t like a female for whatever reason, they call her a “slut” or a “whore,” even when the reason they don’t like her isn’t related to her sexuality at all?

1. There’s way to much violence in the media to begin with.

2. Too much of that violence is sexual violence toward women.

3. Normalizing sexual violence in the media only teaches people that if you’re going to be violent toward a women, it should be sexually.

4. That all needs to stop.

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